Archive for August, 2006
Evil Doers Outsource Terror to TSA
Sunday, August 13th, 2006
In a drastic shift in strategy, Evil Doers today announced it would transfer terror operations to former competitor Transportation Security Administration. CEO Osama bin Laden stated, “This is a win-win for our stock holders and those we serve.”
The shift in operations did not surprise some analysts. “We’ve longed believed that TSA would assume Doers’ production facilities since the White House Support market dropped,” an analyst at United08.com said.
TSA Founder G. W. Bush stressed the economic benefits of domestically produced terror. “We’re adding jobs to our economy to keep the American peoples workin’.”
A recent Gallup poll found that most TSA and Doers employees thought their jobs were important in The Grand Scheme of Things, while most Americans believed the contrary.
“If it weren’t for the TSA, I would never have known how much of a security threat shampoo is,” one registered frequent loyal American said, “I am now avoiding such products. It’s unpatriotic to use shampoo.”
Some have compared the terror industry to the alcohol and tobacco industries. “This inaccuracy undermines our product,” bin Laden said, “Terror does not contain anywhere near the level of addictive or lethal attributes of those products.”
The news had mixed reactions on Wall Street. Arriving passengers sent sales soaring at Bath & Body Works and Starbucks, while Duty Free International predicted a weak Q3.
Link: Sick US Soldiers
Sunday, August 13th, 2006AP: U.S. Soldiers Are Sick of It
Good People Happen
Saturday, August 5th, 2006The kindness expressed yesterday by guys like Combs Wrecker Service during a little crisis reminded me that small towns, especially in Virginia, tend to be filled with great people.
Shit Happens.
Friday, August 4th, 2006What’s more fun than driving cross country from Boston to LA with stops in Lynchburg, VA and San Antonio, TX (with small diversion to Wisconsin)?
Answer: Having your transmission die as you enter Virginia, hanging out with classy truck drivers for hours at a Flying J, not being able to tow your U-Haul trailer with any rental car company, and not knowing what to do next. But at least the fabulous Flying J has cheap wireless internet access.
Damn American-made cars… Okay! Stop e-mailing me! Mazdas are only assembled in America.
