Archive for July, 2005
Shame
Saturday, July 30th, 2005I used to be considered the good-grade getting, goal-achieving, opportunity-seeking, law-abiding, God-fearing child destined to go far. Not to boast, which is to say that I will, I acquired quite a list of accomplishments in my 21-years despite much adversity. Apparently none of these things matter once you tell your family and friends that you are gay.
With a grimace, lack of eye-contact, maybe folded arms, and most certainly with a preceding statement of disagreement, my family and friends told me that they still loved me. AOL keyword: still. Because homosexuality fundamentally changes who I am in their gilded perspective of me. Whether Biblically or traditionally inspired, their loving condemnation revealed something.
I honestly don’t give a damn if anyone disagrees with me. Speak your mind, but not on my time. I have too many inspiring projects and too much good yet to share with the world, but not enough time to waste emotional energy.
Fortunately, people grow. I am particularly appreciative of my father for embracing Arthur as the loving counterpart that he is. Coming out has been like taking off a band-aid adhered to the hair of my family and friends. It doesn’t hurt me, but it will pain them the longer they take to see me restored to a person no longer living with fear.
(Written July 23, 2005.)
Explicitly Me
Saturday, July 30th, 2005Yes, I am gay. I know that I have denied it before, but never willingly. This post explains my journey, ushers in my new journal design (soon), and sets free four years of private entries (soon).
On various levels throughout of my life, I was always aware of my homosexuality. Initially, I treated these desires like a bad habit or even an addiction. Time would tell that a wrong diagnosis will not cure an ailment.
My Christian faith is a cornerstone of my life. The world has seen no greater example of love than Jesus Christ.1 Love is an action varied in expression but always motivated by a morality demanding its existence. For many years, my understanding of this morality would treat homosexuality as something I could rid.
I prayed. I fasted. A year later, I concluded.
I could not make myself straight. Even various attempts at lusting for women proved futile. Trying to cure one sin (homosexuality) with another sin (lust for women) did not work, but neither did my year of solemn faith.
I had to accept that I was gay and that there were only two options available in reconciling my faith with my homosexuality: be sexually abstinent for the rest of my life or find God’s plan in my situation. The first choice is what Catholic priests who fondle little boys choose. I’m no pedophile. So, I pursued the latter choice.
I am not here to validate homosexuality or invalidate Christianity. Neither was disposed of during my journey. They aren’t mutually exclusive, despite many Christians attempt to ostracize homosexuals and gay culture’s general despise of Christians.
As of today, I have never felt more comfortable with myself. My faith and my homosexuality no longer feel like a tug-of-war or a noose cutting me off from experiencing a life without lack.
But there is more to this story. These revelations are not new. All of this happened way back in 2002. So why now? Basically when Switch aired, lots of creepy gay men flocked to my blog like moths to a flame. Additionally, I feared the reaction of my family. With all the drama that perpetually surrounds them, I needn’t add to it. But in October 2004, I met a wonderful man that I am madly in love with. Keeping my family a secret to him and visa-versa is not fair or truthful. So after a family “outing” a week ago, here I am.
I wish that I could say my fears in telling my family were not justified. That’s not the case. Life is too short to make people love me, so feel free to leave me. I’m not chasing after anyone.
I am finally free to be explicitly me.
(Written July 22, 2005)
1 Actually, at the time of publishing, I was well on my way to becoming an atheist.
Charity Bands
Sunday, July 24th, 2005Lance Armstrong will forever be remembered for one thing: starting a rubber wristband craze. (Yeah, there is that whole seven straight victories of the Tour de France thing, but eww… France.) The popularity of Lance’s noble Live Strong campaign spawned a gang of uninspired imposters. Apparently all the non-profits got together one night for a closed-door meeting where they drew straws to pick a color and slogan to represent them in wristband form.
Americans now can buy their symbolic support for nearly every cause they will spend a buck on; from troops to breast cancer, HIV to gay pride, poverty to hating President Bush.
I am not criticizing awareness on these issues (save maybe the last one). I have even purchased them for people I love. My issue is with the people who wear so many wristbands that they wear an entire Pantone palette of colors as an armband. At this point, the wristbands become more of a fashion accessory than a meaningful statement of support.
Not until this weekend did I notice a similar problem on cars. I do not drive in Boston and I haven’t owned a car in four years, so excuse me if this is painfully obvious.
Several times on I-84, I noticed car trunks with color magnetic ribbons arranged methodically to cover every inch of available space. Even better are the old junkers with the magnetic ribbons faded beyond any recognition of color or supporting organization.
More troubling than overzealous application of these charitable tokens is the commercialization of them. Walk into any 7-Eleven convenience store and you’ll be able to purchase a rubber wristband with a variety of stupid statements or a colored magnetic ribbon whose profits support anyone but a worthwhile cause.
Remember, these charitable tokens are not Pokemon. You don’t have to collect them all. There is much to be said for those who donate to a worthwhile cause without seeking praise, even in the form of trendiness. For the wristbands and ribbon magnets not supporting a cause without an attached non-profit , moderation is key. Any more than three and you’re just a trend-whore.
Police State
Saturday, July 23rd, 2005Arthur’s 2005 Mazda RX8 proved to be a rather delightful chariot of choice for my family outing this weekend. It loves to cruise around 85 MPH. particularly on 65 MPH interstate highways. Unfortunately, going 84 MPH on I-84 is illegal and a !@#$%^& cop reminded Arthur of this fact.
After smugly writing a ticket at 5 AM in the morning (as opposed to 5 AM at night), I remembered why I despise police. I have never met a decent, honest, and/or respectable cop. Being a fiscal conservative and politically libertarian, I believe that most officer duties should be stripped and road laws significantly altered. I have never written about these and related issues, so bring out my soapbox:
- Speeding should be a secondary offense.
- Car inspections should be required yearly, but not having an up-to-date inspection should be a secondary offense.
- Seatbelts should not be required, though I support their use.
- Driving under the influence of any intoxicant should result in a minimum 20-year license suspension.
- SUVs and non-commercial vehicles that have a fossil fuel efficiency less than 25 miles per gallon should have a luxury tax that offsets the cost of tax incentives to owners of vehicles less dependent upon non-renewable fuels (including hybrids, eco-fuel, and hydrogen vehicles).
Bang!
Friday, July 22nd, 2005Hello from Lynchburg, VA! Embrace the obviously implied, but reluctantly not defined, meaning of the lyrics below because I need a big hug.
I’m coming out like a .45
Spinning like a Wurlitzer on overdrive
Feeling like electro glide
Touch down satellite, feel all right
Tonight, return of love
Return, return of the singer
– Return of the Singer by Kevin Max
Crash
Wednesday, July 20th, 2005I didn’t write about Star Wars (meh), War of the Worlds (good), or Charlie & The Chocolate Factory (*amazing*), but I will write about Crash. Easily, Crash is the best movie I have seen this year. Crash mixes over-the-top but imaginable racial tension with real humanity. No heros, no villains, no central star protagonist: every character redeems and defiles him/herself. Several storylines intertwine but do not meet in the tear jerking end. You won’t cry because of the love, pain, redemption, or violence depicted. The real humanity in Crash will touch something greater than all of these emotions.
Be warned: it’s intense. I couldn’t stop thinking about the movie for hours after I left the theater.
Web Cam
Saturday, July 16th, 2005
Green
Thursday, July 14th, 2005We live too fast. Our cities are not organic. Cleaner energy revolutions take time. I couldn’t agree more.
A630 and iSync
Saturday, July 9th, 2005Despite what I previously blogged, you can synchronize your Motorola A630 with Apple iSync over Bluetooth! Thanks to Richard Feindel for showing me this hack.
- Download this archive.
- Open a new Finder window.
- Go > Go to Folder (or Apple Shift G)
- Go to /Applications/iSync.app/Contents/
PlugIns/ApplePhoneConduit.syncdevice/
Contents/PlugIns/
PhoneModelsSync.phoneplugin/
Contents/Resources/ (NOTE: The directory is split onto multiple lines. You will need to make it all one line when pasting due to Mac OS X’s crazy handling of single-line input boxes.) - Place the two files in the above folder, overwriting MetaClasses.plist
Enable Bluetooth on your Mac. Enable Bluetooth on your A630 (Settings: Connection: Bluetooth Link: Power: On). Then follow the iSync directions. You may need to select Find Me on the Bluetooth Link menu for your Mac to see your phone if you have never paired your A630 to your Mac.
2012
Wednesday, July 6th, 2005Congratulations to London on winning the 2012 Olympics location. Interesting how the IOC picked America’s partner in the war on terror over it’s vociferous opponent.
