Archive for December, 2002
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Tuesday, December 31st, 2002End of the Year as We Know It
Tuesday, December 31st, 2002Here, on this final day of 2002, I leave behind so much.
The Best to YOU Each Morning
Monday, December 30th, 2002Over my apple slices, egg biscuit, and hash browns breakfast at Clayton’s, I intended to tell Ryan the single most significant issue that has tormented me for far too long. The words simply would not transform from an intention to an audible pattern mutually shared among humans. Out of time, I played it safe and let this secret silence the desire. I needed more time to think and truly believe the words I never spoke. Silence will break one day.
Moving right along… Adam, Rachel, and Rianna met up with Ryan and me at Mark’s apartment around noon. I selected two movies for our viewing pleasure.
Movie number one was Pulp Fiction. The wrap-around plot revealing and the randomness make this a classic movie. Two men experience an act of God. Jules concluded that his life was spared because he must have some greater purpose than the drugs and other illegal work that consumed him. Vincent denied that anything meaningful occurred and his life proceeded in a drastically different direction, despite the seemingly minor difference in opinion over the same incident. Amidst violence and harsh (yet hysterical) dialogue, this movie has a theme worth discussing.
The five of us then packed into Rianna’s new car and headed to the Olive Garden in Roanoke. I did not eat what I ordered because the spices brought tears in my eyes and burned on my lips. Everyone else enjoyed their respective dinners. After a minor detour back to Mark’s apartment, the ladies in the front and the gents in the back conversed and prepped for the next movie.
Mark returned to his apartment early, so he joined us for Memento. Adam and I had already seen this movie and agreed that everyone should see it. If you could no longer make new memories and everything you knew to be true no longer existed, would you delude yourself to live a lie at the expense of someone else’s welfare in order to maintain purpose in life? The movie showcased an extreme answer to this question, but the premise can be applied to regular life.
This day reunited me with Adam, Mark, Ra, Ri, and Ry. Hilarity ensued. Good times rolled. Memories to sustain me for another five months abounded. My last night at Mark’s apartment could not have been better.
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Wednesday, December 25th, 2002In our world, too, a stable once had something inside it that was bigger than the whole world.
Queen Lucy in The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis
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Tuesday, December 24th, 2002I’ll buy you a routine for Christmas, okay?
Adam in response to my earlier journal entry (12/19/2002)
Remember the Jesus kid?
Tuesday, December 24th, 2002My family always opens gifts on Christmas Eve. No exception this year. I am happy to report that the gifts I received were things that I needed, not frivolous stuff.
Everyone always talks about having a less commercialized Christmas, but few actually change gift buying habits. There is nothing that I could give my grandparents or other relatives that would not just be momentarily "cute" or something they could not buy themselves. I gave a donation to the Heifer Project in honor of my family. My friends received books of targeted interest that will hopefully invoke thought. Everyone seemed to be pleased.
The Man I Call Father
Monday, December 23rd, 2002I appreciate that my Dad picked me up from Charlottesville Albemarle Airport and delivered me to Meme & Papa’s house. My plane departed over an hour late from Washington Dulles International Airport and my dad had to work Christmas Eve morning. The hour and a half drive allowed for the only opportunity to seriously talk while I visited Lynchburg. Returning "home" reminded me of a picture I took at Disneyland. Home can be sweet, but it is often surrounded with pain.
My dad finally realized that he cannot be a peacemaker in every situation. He understands that his parenting since remarriage caused major damage. The bad news is that my step-mother cannot handle the truth. People always go to counseling for help. A majority stop going when change is required. I am proud of my father for not surrendering his life to the unappeasable will of his spouse. I wish my words about my family situation came from a rebel without a cause, but they do not. Hope inside me believes that one day, I will be able to read these words and be amazed at God’s power in reconciling all of my family. Speak softly, step lightly, watch everything, and enjoy the moment.
Insanity is closer and nearer than I imagined. Even worse, there is company.
Merry Christmas!
Sunday, December 22nd, 2002I will be in Virginia for Christmas and in San Francisco for Macworld Expo during the next three weeks. Regular blogging will resume upon my return.
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Thursday, December 19th, 2002Forefeit by Chevelle
will not be shaken
and jump into this
be persuasive just carry on
make my mind up to go through this or
be firm and sit in silence
’cause i want to fighti want to fight
i want to prove i’m right
i want to fight
i want to fight
so turn and forfeit
forfeitlearn from this prehistoric dance and
refrain from talking solves our problems
medicated could do some good or
find a way to relate
or just shut up
cause i want to fight
